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The Rev. Laura Matarazzo
September 2, 2007 --- Fourteenth Sunday after Pentecost
What do you think of
yourself? Seriously, how do you measure up in your own eyes? Are you
intelligent? Kind? Do you think of yourself as particularly generous?
Empathetic or understanding? By your own standards, do you consider
yourself a good person? Would you call yourself faithful, devoted,
loyal, honorable…or capricious, fickle, and vain? Are you never good
enough, thin enough, smart enough or young enough?
How many of you, like
me, have invested in some kind of self-help campaign in your life? How
many books, like “How to Get the Love You Want,” or “Don’t Sweat the
Small Stuff,” or, here’s one I just found on Amazon: “The Power of
Self-Coaching: The Five Essential Steps to Creating the Life You Want.”
Then, there’s a whole library of audiotapes, especially effective for
commuters, like Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “How to Get What You Really Want.” How
about the latest “Secret” craze: how to be and do whatever you aim for
by simply thinking it into reality. (That’s an oversimplification, I
know. Forgive me, fans!)
I can remember a long
period—about 15 years—in my life when just about all I could think about
was me. I was very unhappy with my life and I thought if I could just
get the right answers, the right formula, or even just figure out the
questions, then I would be okay, I’d be a whole person! Our American
culture caters to self-absorption and there is no lack of material—good
and not so good—to inform our search for identity and happiness.
I don’t mean to knock
it all. I am a great proponent of self-awareness. In my experience,
people who know themselves well and who are what I call “comfortable in
their own skin” have a peace and wisdom that is irresistible. And that
only comes, I think, with paying attention to yourself.
But there is a
difference –BIG DIFFERENCE—between self-awareness and self-absorption.
Being aware of yourself necessitates being aware of your surroundings,
your relationships, your Creator. Knowing yourself means knowing you
were created in the image of God and that you are, essentially,
dust; that you bear a seed or spark of divinity and you are
mortal. This is the core of our human identity.
We do not form ourselves. Yes, we
can learn ways to improve ourselves, adopt better eating habits and
become better communicators, but we do not “grow” ourselves. Other
people nurture us, our experiences teach us, what we see and hear,
touch, taste, and smell nudges us into growth. Life grows us and
our life is with and in Christ.
God laments the futile self-sufficiency of
Jeremiah’s contemporaries. They dug out cisterns for themselves; that
is, looked to themselves for the source and sustenance of life, instead
of coming to the fountain of living water. They have forsaken the true
source of all life.
Have you ever had the experience of
agonizing about a choice or decision? You think and think about it; you
weigh the pros and cons of each side, talk to friends for advice, pray,
angst, lose sleep, and finally, throw your hands up and despair of ever
having clarity. Then, it comes. Have you ever had the experience of
letting something go and having it return, a blessing?
Attitude…Jeremiah is about self-sufficiency.
Hebrews urges empathy—“Remember those who
are in prison, as though you were in prison” and appreciation—“Keep your
lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have;”
and trust—“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can anyone
do to me?”
Humility…healthy sense of earth-borne being
Modesty
Self-estimate, self-assessment, self-esteem,
self-consciousness, self-centered, self-awareness.
I wonder if those self-help books might
qualify as a modern-day homemade cistern from which we expect to draw
life and growth and meaning? If we are drawing our life and life’s
meaning strictly from our own understanding, we risk thinking too highly
of ourselves? We risk a distorted view of humanity that stratifies and
divides into status by education, wealth, name, career…forgetting that
we are all made in the same holy image and all worthy of the host’s
gracious welcome and all deserving of the banquet…
Especially those who cannot repay…why? WHY
does Jesus advise us to invite those who cannot reciprocate…
Because then our motive to give and share is
pure rather than distorted by the expectation of a return
Because then our generosity will bear the
fruit of improving life that might not otherwise be so enhanced…
Because then the goods are distributed more
widely and more people benefit from them
Just the door between a rather steamy but
warm Parish Hall full of well-fed Episcopalians meeting to elect a
bishop…and ill-fed homeless citizens gathered beneath the roof of the
porch, seeking refuge from the rain…
Just a door between them
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